sensible – Mr Kirkland http://mrkirkland.com (mainly) Tokyo based developer and founder Mon, 18 Jan 2016 14:58:41 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.4.2 Tate Modern, Brick Lane and negative utilitarians http://mrkirkland.com/tate-modern-brick-lane-and-negative-utilitarians/ http://mrkirkland.com/tate-modern-brick-lane-and-negative-utilitarians/#respond Tue, 28 Apr 2009 11:44:13 +0000 http://www.mrkirkland.com/?p=103 Just at the end of my trip to the UK, highlights include: A visit to the Tate Modern A stroll down Brick Lane with master painter Darvish Fahkr And lunch with ‘Philospoher’ David Pearce

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]]> Just at the end of my trip to the UK, highlights include:

  1. A visit to the Tate Modern

  2. A stroll down Brick Lane with master painter Darvish Fahkr

  3. And lunch with ‘Philospoher’ David Pearce

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]]> http://mrkirkland.com/tate-modern-brick-lane-and-negative-utilitarians/feed/ 0 How to get excellent keyword search results http://mrkirkland.com/how-to-get-excellent-keyword-search-results/ http://mrkirkland.com/how-to-get-excellent-keyword-search-results/#comments Mon, 02 Mar 2009 13:21:30 +0000 http://www.mrkirkland.com/?p=94 After many years of toil, sweat and sacrifice I believe I have finally unraveled the secret to obtaining long term ‘excellent’ keyword search results. Firstly, one needs to understand what “excellent keyword search results” actually means. And of course (as I’m sure you’re wise enough to know without being told), they refer to the most […]

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]]> After many years of toil, sweat and sacrifice I believe I have finally unraveled the secret to obtaining long term ‘excellent’ keyword search results.

Firstly, one needs to understand what “excellent keyword search results” actually means. And of course (as I’m sure you’re wise enough to know without being told), they refer to the most amusing results.

Top 10 Keywords, Sentence Game, January 2009

top 10 search terms sentence game 2009

amazing!

5 steps to success

  1. Start a simple word game website
  2. Wait for ‘mature’ males to start playing
  3. Stand back and watch the endless reams of nonsense and toilet humour amass
  4. Soon google will have enthusiastically sucked up all your “original” content
  5. Success! long term page 1 ranking for “spastic porn”, “frotage” etc.

Conclusion

Now-a-days, having retired from fortune acrued of the tens of $0.01 google adsense clicks each month, I spend most my days idling on the deck of my San Tropez yacht being fed organic grapes whilst simultaneously being massaged and bathed in goats milk.

Further reading check out the sentence game.

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]]> http://mrkirkland.com/how-to-get-excellent-keyword-search-results/feed/ 3 How To Kidnap Yuki From Her Shop http://mrkirkland.com/how-to-kidnap-yuki-from-her-shop/ http://mrkirkland.com/how-to-kidnap-yuki-from-her-shop/#respond Thu, 05 Feb 2009 04:36:17 +0000 http://www.mrkirkland.com/?p=89 err…

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]]> err…

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]]> http://mrkirkland.com/how-to-kidnap-yuki-from-her-shop/feed/ 0 to design or not to design.. that is the pidgeon http://mrkirkland.com/design-design-pidgeon/ http://mrkirkland.com/design-design-pidgeon/#respond Sun, 15 Jun 2003 21:35:20 +0000 http://mrkirkland.com/?p=507 Now before I was a dog, I used to design websites and I must admit I liked to make things bounce and ping about and all that kind of malarchy. But having the wisdom that I do now from being a dog, I’ve realised that the bouncing hard to read menu’s etc. are only really […]

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]]> Now before I was a dog, I used to design websites and I must admit I liked to make things bounce and ping about and all that kind of malarchy. But having the wisdom that I do now from being a dog, I’ve realised that the bouncing hard to read menu’s etc. are only really for the benefit of the frustraded ego’s belonging to the underpaid designers who created them.

It saddens and humours me to see the many silly and hopelessly inaccesable pages on the internet, I mean the poor businesses that pay there hard earned cash for these useless files of data are probably better of paying a small dog to take care of their sites. I know the dog would probably just eat the money, and nothing would appear on the internet, but hey, in many cases this is probably more effective.

Take flash(*) for example, no dog in it’s right mind would know how to download flash player, so by using flash, you immediately exclude the majority of canine internet users from your site, and this can often have disastrous effects (small tidal waves, failing crops, explosions etc.)

So my advice to businesses and consumers alike, is to not hire web designers based on portfolio. Instead you should ask them about canine accessability, if they look blank and continue to explain to you that they can make you logo animated and fly about the page, slap them with a kipper.

*A Tool for web designers to make web pages bounce and ping about

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